Wake up at 5 a.m., they said. Achieve greatness, they said.
Meanwhile, I’m lying there negotiating with my alarm clock like it’s a hostage situation.
Influencer morning routines promise enlightenment, productivity, and inner peace. What they actually deliver is a pre-dawn existential crisis and recycled lukewarm regret through motivational quotes, while my soul quietly files for bankruptcy.
If I believe in myself hard enough, maybe the crippling dread will politely wait until 8 a.m., like a respectable adult.
So tell me—do these heroic morning routines actually make anyone happy?
Or do they just make people better at faking joy on the internet?